Near Seaside, Florida
I went to Walt Disney World and lived to tell the tale!
Okay, full disclosure time. I walked into this part of the
trip firmly ensconced in an anti-Disney perspective. I have had real issues
with Disney when it comes to Princesses needing Prince Charming, taking fully
textured stories and reducing them to the point of sanitizing anything useful,
and basically trying to take over the world. Also, the man himself, complete
with helping to blacklist people in the 1950s, has always been a figure of
suspicion to me. Now that I have experienced Walt Disney World my perspective
has evolved.
I still think they are a part of the Illuminati trying to
take claim of the world (The Mouse owns the image of the Mountie and the Star Wars franchise. Star Wars, people!), and I will never
forgive taking a beautiful story about a little mermaid and reducing it to a
singing crab, but I have to admit I had a great time at Walt Disney World.
Except for the fact that the experience almost killed me.
Eric and I were with our chosen family Andrea and Carlos and
our nieces Sophie and Kipi. Together we visited the Magic Kingdom, EPCOT,
Hollywood Studios and Animal Kingdom. And we managed to take a big chunk out of
each of them. We began each morning waking up in our adjoining rooms at the
Port Orleans Riverside Resort. Our rooms were Princess themed and included
portraits of some of the Disney princesses (which creeped me out a bit as I
felt they were watching me sleep) and fibre optice fireworks on the headboards
which you can turn on at your leisure via a button on the side.
Yes…I often
invoked the obvious reference required when finding a fireworks display option
on your hotel bed headboard. But not in front of the children.
After the hint of a breakfast we boarded the bus to our
theme park of the day and spent the morning enjoying our FastPasses which
allowed us to skip the long lines. After lunch or a child meltdown, whichever
came first, Andrea and Carlos and the girls would return to the resort for rest
and pool time while Eric and I soldiered on. Then we would meet for dinner and
maybe take in a few more rides before leaving. Once we returned to our rooms we
would crash gratefully into bed and then I would lay in the dark on not sleep
because I was w-a-y too overstimulated.These were full days, indeed.
The heat and humidity was unbearable. When you left your air
conditioned room at 7:30 you would be in desperate need of water by the time
you reached the bus stop ten minutes away. Gallons of water led to hours at the
restroom, especially with kids. The heat,
often at 35 -38 degrees, and an eight and ten year old, required a very
slow pace which made our feet ache in despair. By the end of our four days at
Disney I must have squeezed out enough fluids to fill a tanker truck. And my
feet and legs were completely destroyed! Carlos and I looked like slow release
fountains, Eric and Andrea always had that glow, and the girls were excited.
Really excited. It was really cute…but damn that fleeting youth!
Thank God the fifteen million souvenir shops nearby were air
conditioned! Surely this is unrelated to our discomfort.
Highlights for me included:
- The Haunted Mansion: waiting area had a
headstone that played the instrument you touched on the stone surface; the
holograms were magnificent and included one that entered into the car with you
at the end. If Disney wanted to make a Haunted House that could scare the crap out
of you…they have the budget and technology to do it.
-
Kali Rapids: One of those bouncy raft down the
rapids where you and your family ride in a circle and try, in vain, to stay
dry. I love these kinds of rides. It was too short, but it was blast from start
to finish.
-
Peter Pan: I forget its actual name, but you fly
in a sailboat over the narrative of the story. It is really magical.
-
Toy Story 4D Arcade: You are in a car that spins
and rolls around to different arcade style games where you use your toy shooter
(not a gun) to win a match. Andrea and I played and she kicked my butt
-
Splash Mountain: Medium scary roller coaster
with water. It tells the tale of Brier Rabbit and all of the characters found
in The Song of the South without
Uncle Remus or any reference to the title of what even Disney considers a movie
that is too racist to re-release.
-
Mission: Space: Gary Sinise is our captain to
helps us get to Mars for a training flight in this simulation. We manage to
miss our target, crash land and go past the landing area risking our lives and
the multimillion dollar space craft we have been given but we are congratulated
for our success and welcomed as astronauts. Hmm.
Eric, Carlos, and Sofie enjoyed the scarier roller coasters
while Andrea and I enjoyed the softer rides. We did manage to experience a
great deal together as a family, though.
I will admit to loving the Frozen sing-a-long show, though. I have to because it was actually
awesome. Watching the girls sing along to every note, spying the boys in the
next row look sour and work hard to hate everything, and the campy actors on
stage made for a fun time.
Also, Christoff was freaking hot.
At the end, when Elsa finally comes out and we all sing the
signature song…again…snow falls from the ceiling. Okay…it was soap suds…but,
dammit, for a few moments you are in your late forties and believing it was
snowing in the auditorium. I admit I may have had something in my eye and had
to wipe a tear or two away.
Such is the magic of Disney.
Which brings me back to evolution. I believe that Disney is
beginning to realise that the Prince and Princess story cannot be the only
model from which to draw upon. Frozen
is about two sisters who look out for each other and the older, the one with
more power, must come to terms with her real self in order to fulfill her
destiny. And, in this story, the princess is crowned without a prince. In fact,
there is no Prince Charming in this story.
And when I think of Pixar and its partnership with Disney,
and shows like Up and Inside Out, there is still plenty of
magic to be had.
In the meantime, I will try to catch up on my sleep and seek
out feelings in my feet and legs.
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